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We are excited to announce Teepa Snow will be the guest speaker at AFO's Seminar for Professionals and Caregivers on April 18, 2013 in Lake/Sumter Counties and April 19, 2013 in Pasco/Hernando/Citrus Counties. We will announce additional details as they come to us. We are expecting upwards of 200 people for each date. Call 727 848-8888 for sponsorship opportunities.

Recording artist Pennan Brae has extended his song 'The Forgotten Man' to the Alzheimer's Family Organization to help raise much needed funds. The song is about Pennan's grandparents and how his grandmother suffering with Alzheimer's disease, forgot who his grandfather was. The video DVD is available for a $10 donation and the MP3 of the song is also available for a $1 donation. All funds raised will assist caregivers and families coping with Alzheimer's disease and other dementia in Central Florida. Please help support this fundraiser by purchasing the video DVD or the MP3 today!!!! Just follow the link below to find out more, read Pennan's notes about the song, the song lyrics and an excerpt of 'The Forgotten Man'. Contact our office at 727 848-8888 with questions.

Contact our office at 727-848-8888 or 888-496-8004 regarding sponsorship or to purchase tickets for the 8th Annual Alberta's Fashion Show on June 12 at the Heritage Springs Country Club in Trinity. Tickets are $30 per person and include lunch, fashion show, raffles and unlimited FUN!!! Tables of 10 are reserved. Mention that you saw this ad on Facebook and when you buy a table of 10, pay for only 9 tickets!!! Visa, MC and Discover accepted.

Coping with Caregiver Guilt

Guilt is a overpowering and complicated emotion but appears to have a purpose in the life of human beings. When knowing we’ve done something wrong, by all means, we should experience a touch of shame.
If you are a caregiver there will be times when waves of guilt will wash right over you. There doesn’t have to be any wrong doing to cause this. The simple reason is that you care so deeply that you never feel adequate performing this role.
For example, you may finally get a chance to do something for yourself. Let’s say you go out to get an overdue haircut. The whole time you’re sitting in the salon chair you can’t stop thinking about something bad happening while you are away. You rush straight home, instead of taking advantage of the rare and well deserved respite break. Even when you find, to your relief, that all is well, you still experience that guilt monster.
Here’s another scenario. Your mother calls you first thing in the morning. She just wants to talk with you because the sound of your voice is comforting for her, but because she suffers from dementia, she forgets you’ve already talked and keeps calling every ten minutes. By the fourth phone call and seeing it’s her phone number once again on the caller ID screen, you elect not to answer this time. Within minutes, guilt starts swirling around inside you. ("What if something may have really happened to her?") Next thing you know you’re breaking speed limits driving to her house to make sure everything is okay.
Then there’s always that "little white lie." You may be visiting your loved one at his or her adult living facility or the hospital. You need to be at work in a couple of hours, but you like to have at least one hour to yourself before you begin your shift. Suddenly you find yourself saying, "My boss asked if I could come in early today so I’m going to have to leave now." Meanwhile, throughout your whole work shift, you once again feel guilt doing somersaults in your stomach.
There’s not a caregiver out there that doesn’t worry about whether or not the job he or she is doing is good enough. Even after your loved one has passed you will go through a stage of beating yourself up, wondering whether or not there was something more you could have done for your loved one.
The strong emotion of guilt that caregivers endure is just part of human nature. Go to a caregiver’s support group and ask all those surrounding you. They will tell you that they are experiencing or have experienced the exact same feelings. All caregivers face the same unattainable goal of sparing their loved ones the pain that comes with any disease. Everyone’s desire is to provide a compassionate passing.
Deep inside, we all believe that we, as caregivers, are to some degree responsible for what happens to our stricken loved ones in the end. Sadly, some endings can be downright cruel, not only to the one afflicted with the disease but also to the ones that have to witness the perishing.
Caregivers get hit with a double-whammy. While trying to wade through all the sadness and grievance, they get swept away by a pronounced tide of guilt. But take heart; this guilt trip will slowly start to fade, finally leaving you with just the normal amount of grief, which is bad enough.
With the passing of your loved one, life has just spun around 180 degrees. Everything you have trained yourself to do has come to a complete halt. That grueling fast pace lifestyle you lived has just stopped itself on a dime. It’s almost as if you have to learn to breathe all over again.
Try not to berate yourself about areas in which you think you may have failed. Instead, focus on all the positive things you accomplished along the way. Think of the enhanced quality of life you singlehandedly brought to your loved one. Remember, you will remain in their heart forever.
Unfortunately, guilt is a normal emotion in life. These bouts of guilt you feel only prove what a caring individual you truly are.

Gary, this will surely help caregivers that have been faced with feeling guilty. It's important that caregivers aren't so hard on themselves as we can only do what we can do. Thank you for the insightful comments.

I have to constantly remind myself that I am doing the best I can. My responsibility is to be a good advocate. Making sure all the care receiver's needs are met. Eating properly, bathing, keeping Dr's appointments, etc.

If I let guilt take over, then I am not doing myself any good or the care receiver. It takes practice and patience.

So true. It's hard sometimes not to feel guilty,I think we all must remember we are human, and do the best we can. And then pray tomorrow will be a better day.

Just to let you know that my book, THE LONG WAY HOME, A Journey Through Alzheimer's, is now available as an e-book. Just access Amazon.com and go into their Kindle Edition. The price is $9.99 and includes free international wireless delivery via Amazon Whispernet.

We are human! We are not God. We did not cause or create Alzheimer's. Therefore we are not responsible for their suffering. We do our part as Caregivers to alleviate their suffering in every way possible but we do not need to feel guilty as we did not cause it. So often we take too much on ourselves and blame ourselves for failing when it is not our fault. The sooner we can recognize this misconception, the sooner we can gain an inner peace that is so necessary to "practicing patience".

Marian, your words ring so true. We can only do the best we can and it's counterproductive to blame ourselves. We all need that inner peace and strength so that we may carry forward and be the best caregiver we can be.